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Today, I Said Goodbye

Nov 3, 2025 | By: Pawtraits by Nicole

Today, I Said Goodbye

All the goodbyes

The Official Goodbye

On October 9th, at about 1:15 in the afternoon, I said what I thought was my final, and most difficult, goodbye to Vibe.

It was awful, beautiful, and peaceful all at the same time.

I showed up at VegasPet Animal Hospital carrying blankets, dog bed, my purse, and Vibe walking slowly by my side - in the rain, which was appropriate. I was quickly greeted at the door by a kind receptionist who took everything from my arms so I could carry Vibe in. We were led to a special room designed for goodbyes, with a thick pile of soft blankets covering the floor, a small fridge stocked with water, soda, and whipped cream, and even a snack rack.

They brought me a bowl for the whipped cream, showed me the snacks, and gave me a little doorbell to ring when I was ready for them to return. I didn’t understand why they were so intent on offering snacks, as it did not feel like a “snack” kind of moment. But eventually, they began unwrapping Hershey’s Kisses and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for me to give to Vibe and I finally got it.

He ended up eating three bowls of whipped cream, two or three Hershey’s Kisses, and a couple of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

When it was time, I rang the bell for them to come back and start the procedure. When it was over, and confirmed that he was gone, they quietly left me with the bell again, to ring when I was ready.

Everyone there was so compassionate. It was as perfect a send-off as I could have hoped for, and I feel lucky to have had that privilege - to say goodbye while he was still well enough to enjoy his treats.

I didn't have a good place to add this video, because the sound is blocked on Youtube, so this is a TikTok link of Vibe eating his chocolate. 

The Everyday Goodbyes

But here’s the thing: if you’ve ever experienced loss, you know it isn’t just that moment when you say goodbye.

The truth is, the goodbyes started long before that day. Over the last two years, I can’t even count how many times I thought I was about to lose him, or how often I imagined the dreaded moment I’d have to say goodbye for real.

And of course, it doesn’t end there. Now that he’s gone, I continue to say goodbye every single day.

  • Today, I woke up and opened my eyes to see you weren’t in your spot - and I said goodbye.
  • Today, I opened the freezer and saw the baggies of fresh-cooked meals; chicken your favorite - and I said goodbye.
  • Today, I pulled into the garage, ready to jump out of my van and run inside to check on you… then I remembered, and I said goodbye.
  • I went on my first Tahoe vacation without you.
  • I was in Colorado, where you loved swimming in the pond, and you weren’t there to swim, or to join me for the road trip to Purina Farms.
  • I went to the park for the first time without you.
  • I packed up some of the rugs that were all over the house.
  • And each time, I said goodbye.

Goodbye isn’t a single moment. It’s a thousand small ones that remind me just how much you were loved.

A TikTok video about grief (not my voice) that I made in Tahoe with the sound of snow melting from the trees and hitting the snow on the ground in the background.

The Ongoing Goodbye

I know the goodbyes will soften with time. They’ll shift from moments of sharp pain to moments of quiet remembrance, maybe even smiles.

One day, they’ll sound less like “goodbye” and more like “hello again.” A great memory, a soft ache, a reminder of how much love remains.

Another TikTok about grief, and again, not my voice.

The Questions That Never Stop

Maybe I should have waited another day. Maybe he would have felt better. Maybe I should have done more or tried harder to manage his cognitive issues.

Did I make the wrong decision?

Deep down, I believe it was time. He had a hard time getting comfortable. Part of the cognitive issues, was that he stopped laying on his side a couple years ago so he was always on his elbows when resting or sleeping. And I know I tried everything, Legz for his elbows, every supplement, medication, dog bed, every possible adjustment. But even knowing all that, my brain still tortures me with what-ifs. Maybe that’s just part of denial, or maybe it’s the price we pay for loving them so much. Either way, the thoughts are there and I doubt it will ever fully go away. 

The Quiet Spaces Left Behind

Caring for a senior dog is all-consuming, and when they’re gone, so much space is left behind.

  • Morning meal and meds.
  • A trip to the park to lay in the grass.
  • Back home to finish breakfast.
  • A midday meal.
  • Several potty breaks that could take ten minutes just to get out the door.
  • And the constant jumping up every time there was a sound, wondering if he slipped, bumped into something, or got stuck.

Now, I don’t even know how to make sense of all those hours. But, that isn't even all of it. There was the mental aspect of everything. He didn't eat much today, what can I find that will be new and tasty? He was too groggy this morning, maybe I gave him a drop or two too much of CBD, he was too restless last night, maybe I should have given him another drop or two of CBD... It consumed every part of my mind and heart, and I still wonder what I could have or should have done better.

Life is technically “easier” now, but easy doesn’t matter. The time feels too empty. I would give all that newfound ease back in a heartbeat to have more time with him, even with the constant worry and dread of the impending end that came with it.

The Privilege and the Pain of Caring for a Senior Dog

Caring for a senior dog is hard. It’s emotional, it's exhausting, and mostly a rollercoaster of ups and downs, with no logical explanation for the good or bad days.

One minute, you’re thinking, Wow, he’s doing great, maybe he’ll live forever.
The next, you’re sure it’s the end.

Then there are moments when you’re just tired, frustrated even, and immediately feel guilty for feeling that way. And then, somehow, you’re grateful again. Sometimes, it’s all of that at once. It's the most difficult gift imaginable. 

The Moments That Catch You Off Guard

I’m grateful I was out of town for nearly a month after that horrible day. Being away from my normal routine gave me space to breathe.

Now that I’m home, adjusting to life without him and waiting for his ashes, I’m reminded that grief sneaks up in waves.

It’s okay, though, because the memories are good ones and the life he gave me, was worth this inevitable part.

I’ve been watching old videos and flipping through photos, and it helps.

What I didn’t expect was how much this has made me think about all my other dogs I’ve lost before him. There’s sadness, yes, but also gratitude. How lucky I’ve been to have had so many incredible companions to love… and to say goodbye to.

Love That Stays

For now, I’m reminding myself to live in the moment. I’ll never forget, but I can still appreciate the moments I have right now.

I’ve signed up for an online trick class with my other dogs, the ones who’ve been patiently waiting their turn while I cared for Vibe.

Because even though Vibe isn’t here, the love he left behind still shapes my days, and reminds me that the best way to honor him is to keep living, keep loving, and keep creating new memories with the ones still by my side.

Honoring Their Memories

If you’ve ever had to say goodbye to your best friend, I see you. It’s a love that deserves to be remembered, celebrated, honored and held close. Always. 

Right now, I’m not sure yet how I’ll honor Vibe’s memory. I know I’ll find the right way in time. But for now, I’m choosing to honor the dogs I’ve had the privilege of meeting and photographing for their One Last Pawtrait sessions.

I’ll be creating a series of blog posts celebrating these beautiful moments of love frozen in time, reminders of why it hurts so much to let go, and proof of the incredible bond we share with our dogs.

Learn more about One Last Pawtrait sessions

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16 Comments

Nov 4, 2025, 6:41:00 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Kim. I hope I did.

Nov 4, 2025, 5:51:00 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Kathy. I still remember him walking up your wall. haha

Nov 4, 2025, 5:28:02 PM

Kim - What a beautiful tribute to Vibe and all of the losses that come when you lose a companion. Trust that you did right by him!

Nov 4, 2025, 4:49:42 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - This is so true. Thank you, Susan.

Nov 4, 2025, 4:39:30 PM

Kathy Hunter - This was beautiful Nicole. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your most handsome boy. I have so many memories of you and him and the joy you brought each other. Rest easy Vibe. Hugs to you Nicole ❤️

Nov 4, 2025, 3:39:32 PM

Susan Butche - Having to let them go to the Rainbow Bridge is something all pet owners can never be ready for. Sending hugs.

Nov 4, 2025, 3:34:36 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Barb, for the kind words. <3

Nov 4, 2025, 3:32:44 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you so much, Karyn.

Nov 4, 2025, 1:55:57 PM

Barb - I'm so sorry for your loss... it's huge and overwhelming.... The love and the loss of your Vibe ... You've expressed it so heartedly... each of us is feeling every word you shared. I'm covered in tears... my Tad...

Nov 4, 2025, 1:41:48 PM

Karyn Schmidt - Nicole...Cagney and I are so sorry for your loss...keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Nov 4, 2025, 12:50:14 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you so much, Lisa. I was just thinking about you and Lacey and our adventure. She was a beautiful soul. <3

Nov 4, 2025, 12:38:57 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Annie. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It’s awful. I shared this because I know so many of us have been there, and it’s a tiny bit of comfort knowing we’re not alone in missing them so deeply.

Nov 4, 2025, 10:33:47 AM

Lisa Gollard - I cried the entire blog. Beautiful tribute. Treasure your sweet goodbye.

Nov 4, 2025, 10:29:58 AM

Annie Maldonado - While my heart breaks for you, knowing exactly what you are going through day after day… I’ve been there before, and I’m doing it again now… I also appreciate you sharing this with us. It’s beautiful. You made me cry and smile at the same time. He’s still with you, he always will be. He’s in your heart and memories.

Nov 3, 2025, 8:16:09 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Tracy. I don't know if it was a day too soon, or even a year too late. But, I hope it was the right time.

Nov 3, 2025, 6:24:07 PM

Tracy Munson - What a beautiful goodbye. I love the chocolate idea, and will definitely carry that forward with me. There’s a saying in the veterinary field, “better a day too soon than a minute too late”. It’s ok to let them go on a good day, when they can still enjoy a last treat.

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