Before the bridge, saying goodbye and grief

Margie

Recently, I met and photographed Margie for her humans. Due to our Las Vegas heat, we headed up to Mount Charleston to ensure her safety and comfort during the session. We have had a very wet monsoon season here, and I saw dark clouds over the area on my way up, but my weather app showed clouds, but no rain. Well, the second half of the drive up, it was raining and continued to rain when I arrived. Luckily, it stopped right about the time we were scheduled to start. It was a little damp and even a little cold, but it was doable and with Margie's health declining, we made it work.

We didn't want Margie to have to walk, so we went to the meadow near the ski area with street parking. More good luck for us were the patches of bright yellow wildflowers that made a gorgeous backdrop for Margie.

As you can see in the images, Margie had the kindest big dark eyes and the sweetest expression that could no doubt melt the hardest of hearts. She has since passed away, and I hope that she is happily running around, on 4 legs, and having the best time at the (Rainbow) Bridge right now. I know the other dogs are lucky to have her.

Before the bridge

My hope is that as you are reading this, your dog is happy and healthy. If that's the case, remember to savor every moment and do something fun every day, even if it's just 30 seconds of playing, training or tossing treats. Time goes so fast and the time we have with our pets is short. Don't allow it to slip away.

It's easy to take the time for granted, until the day comes when we know, either due to advanced age, or a terminal diagnosis, that our time with our pet is almost up and we're then forced to begin our mental preparation for that loss. We frantically try to enjoy every second all while grieving the loss of that naughty puppy, the perfect adult companion, and that soulful senior who won't be around for the next road trip, Christmas, or even the next hike.

Preparing for the loss and saying goodbye can be incredibly difficult. But there are some things you can do:

Enjoy life. If your dog is just getting up there in age but is still comfortable and mobile, create a bucket list for your dog. No need to hike Mount Everest, just some fun things that either you've never gotten around to doing with your dog, or add your dog's favorite activities and sprinkle those into your week. Grab your phone and video short clips of these special times or hire a dog photographer to capture both you and your dog.

Keep your dog comfortable. Discuss your dog's comfort with your veterinarian. Maybe pain management is necessary, or maybe just a new fancy bed and some supplements. Your veterinarian can offer you advice on how to keep your dog comfortable.

Research. I know people bash Googling health information, but there is so much information available, informing yourself can help you determine what questions to ask your vet. Also, Facebook groups are filled with useful information from others who have been where you are right now. Always discuss your findings with your veterinarian before adding supplements or making dietary changes.

Photos, photos, photos, and video. Phones are pretty amazing, grab your phone and take at least one photo of your dog every single day, and one video every week.

Professional portraits. If you haven't had a professional portrait session of your dog, schedule one. Don't wait. You can't go back in time, and you'll treasure those images. Just do it.

Stay home. Instead of going out to eat, order in and allow your presence to be of comfort to your dog.

Practice Gratitude. Remember how lucky you are to have met your dog and to have had good times together. The cost of loving a dog, is the grief of losing a dog. It's horrible, but it's worth it. It's a big world and there could have been any other dog in your life, but you lucked out and shared your life with your perfect dog. That is unbelievable luck. Be thankful for every day together.

Saying goodbye

When to let go is the hardest decision you'll have to make. With seniors, this can be tough. As they get older there seem to be good days and bad days. The bad days are hard to figure out. Is this a bad day, will tomorrow be a good day, is something wrong? You may end up at the vet often, and it's just bad a day, then you don't trust yourself to know when to worry. It's awful and it's hard.

There are many factors to consider, with quality of life being at the top for most people. You may know without a question when it's the right time. Maybe your dog is clearly in pain, or has always inhaled food and now refuses steak. Maybe due to a medical emergency, you don't have the opportunity to decide when.

There are so many differing opinions on this. Some people say when they don't want to play anymore. But, as I'm older, I'm perfectly content to do less than I used to. So, to me, that isn't a good gauge for quality of life.

Your vet may tell you when it's time, or you may have to make this decision on your own. It's not an easy one and you may second guess it, or wish you had waited or done it sooner.

I'm sorry there's no good answer to the when question. My hope for you is that you'll know and not ever second guess the timing of your decision.

Grief

The grieving process can be long and complex. It is important to allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right for you. There is no “correct” way to grieve, and there is no timeline for grief and it wasn't JUST a dog. The loss of your companion leaves an incredible hole in your world. Allow yourself to mourn your loss.

One Last Network

Like many industries, the dog photography community is large, but, with social media, a small, friendly, and supportive group. As dog photographers, we have a dog or multiple dogs and we know the pain of losing a dog. Knowing this pain, and the value of beautiful images of our dogs, most of us offer end-of-life sessions. These sessions go by various different names; rainbow sessions, end of life, tribute, golden, silver, memory, etc., but the purpose is to capture the images that honor your dog and preserve your memories. We know, it may be hard to look at the images at first, but eventually, the images will make you smile as you remember your special friend and the adventures you had together.

My friend, Angela Schneider, of Big White Dog Photography, a talented pet photographer and writer, through her journey dealing with loss and grief, has recently become a grief coach and has launched One Last Network, a podcast, website, and community, dedicated to connecting pet guardians to services and support when dealing with the grief associated with an aging pet or the loss of a pet. Please follow, share, listen, learn and heal.

As a founding member of One Last Network, I am on my own journey to better understand and deal with grief, with Angela as a coach, so that I can better support my clients who are experiencing loss.

Blog circle

As I mentioned above, the pet photography community is a friendly and supportive group. We collaborate on projects, we share ideas on helping our communities, and we help each other. This blog post is part of a pet photographer blogging circle, with pet photographers from across the globe sharing thoughts on a particular topic. This week, the topic is Rainbow Bridge. To continue through the circle and see images from other parts of the world and read other perspectives on this topic, follow the loop, starting with, Dog photographer Fiona Lovett from Happy Tales Photography in Andorra and Spain who talks about her experience with her own dog's legacy session.

14 Comments

Sep 11, 2022, 2:13:20 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thanks, Angela, I also hope you are nowhere near those days. <3

Sep 11, 2022, 9:40:39 AM

Angela Schneider - I love your ideas of how to make the sunset days meaningful. I'm clipping them out and pinning them to my whiteboard. I hope I'm nowhere near those days right now but they're on the way.

Sep 2, 2022, 1:19:09 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you.

Sep 2, 2022, 6:24:48 AM

Tracy Allard - Margie is beautiful, such soulful images of her.

Aug 28, 2022, 2:32:52 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Nancy, I hope so.

Aug 28, 2022, 10:57:12 AM

Nancy - Margie looks like such a sweet girl. I am sure her family has found solice in the images.

Aug 27, 2022, 11:00:59 AM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Darlene. I'm sorry... It hurts so much to go through, but - no, not but - AND we are so lucky for the time we get.

I am looking forward to our One Last Network journey, and grateful to be on that journey with you too.

Aug 27, 2022, 9:20:38 AM

Darlene - So much of this resonated with me.... more tears....I stayed home a LOT these last few months. I took a LOT of pictures of Kota. I'm grateful for every image and video in my phone scroll. I right down every morning what I'm grateful for, including 11 amazing years with my Kota. I'm grateful to be with you on a journey with One Last Network xo

Aug 26, 2022, 8:20:00 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Jessica.

Aug 26, 2022, 8:19:11 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Cahlean. It's such a difficult topic, that I think I generally try to avoid.

Aug 26, 2022, 8:17:42 PM

Nicole Hrustyk - Thank you, Abby, for reading about Margie.

Aug 26, 2022, 6:49:32 PM

Jessica - What a beautiful location for a beautiful girl! No doubt this was so appreciated by her family. We provide such a gift to these pet parents.

Aug 26, 2022, 6:46:03 AM

Cahlean - Wonderful points about enjoying and maximizing the time with your dog, along with knowing when the time is right to let them cross the Rainbow Bridge (here come the tears...). Thank you for the wonderful information.

Aug 26, 2022, 6:43:03 AM

Abby - Thank you for sharing your experience with Margie. Loved the beautiful photos!

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